I was taken by ambulance to Medical Plaza Hospital. When I arrived they told me that I was sepsis—simply stated I had a major infection that was in my entire blood system. My blood pressure was falling. Simply stated I was dying. I was admitted to the ICU unit. The doctors added to my initial diagnosis that I had an infection called Cellulitis that had settled in my right leg. The leg and foot were swollen and extremely painful and I could not put any weight on the leg. I was a mess! In the first two weeks I almost died three times.
I have often said and taught in my years of ministry wherever we find ourselves we must find out in that situation what God is teaching us and desiring to change in us to make us more like Jesus. When the doctor initially told me that I might not make it—I remember there was a peace and joy as I responded that was all right because I was excited about going to Heaven–my home. I was never afraid during the whole time I was in the hospital—God gave me a supernatural peace that did indeed pass all my understanding. I clung to 1 Thessalonians 5 verses 16-18: Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances: for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
So, every time I could I turned on praise music. I filled the room with praise! I wore out Chris Tomlin singing “I need thee every hour I need thee.” I rejoiced and gave thanks. The staff that cared for me—the majority were from other countries. I quickly realized how I responded to my circumstances was an opportunity for these men and women to see Christ in me and the reality of God’s Word. I rejoiced that God was allowing me to be a missionary in a hospital.
“……….. in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” As the days went by it was this part of the verse began to grab hold of me—being in a hospital very ill and have major issues that might take my life was “God’s will for ME in Christ Jesus.” The Holy Spirit spoke to me– “to know Jesus in the fellowship of His sufferings.” “Endure hardships like a good soldier.” Suffering creates focus.
So, I asked the Holy Spirit to reveal to me what I was to learn from this situation that will change me and make me more like Jesus.
First, after several days in the hospital I confess I was excited about going to Heaven; but, I was not excited about seeing God. I prayed and meditated in that bed. Why, did I feel this way? The Holy Spirit came and spoke to me early in the morning about the second week I was in the hospital—He revealed that because my biological father abandoned me and I really never had an earthly father I was always seeking after men’s and God’s approval that I was a “good boy.” He told me that the reason I was afraid to see God is because He may not approve of me and what I had done and abandon me because I did not live up to His standards. In plain words—my Daddy was not pleased with me.”
I knew intellectually and theologically that this was a lie. But, it has been so deeply rooted in me—as some will say it was a stronghold. At that moment I repented. I want to repent and ask anyone that I might have attempted to manipulate or do something with the motive they will like me because of what I did in their lives—then God will be pleased and love me and not abandon me.
The Holy Spirit a few days later came and told me I love you Ross. I love you because you are my child. Remember, no matter what you do for me; no matter how much money and/or effort you exert doing something for me it will always be imperfect. But, that’s O.K.—I am perfecting you and only when you are in Heaven will you be perfect. So, it’s all right to not be perfect and make mistakes. Repent, grow and change as you move toward eternity. I repented and asked His forgiveness.
I am sharing this with the sincere desire to ask for your prayers. I want to be obedient to His Word in every area of my life. If you are my friend and you are with me and see this sin in my life I implore you, please tell me and I will repent.
I was in the hospital and rehab for about 6 ½ weeks. Still struggling with stamina. The doctors have admonished me to be patient. My leg has sores that are healing. But, each day I think I am getting better. I have discovered the older you are the less “bounce back” you have in your body.
Obadiah’s House is doing well. We are in our 11th year and God has been so faithful.
Pray for us in the days ahead where Jesus will be lifted high and all men will be drawn to Him.
We send God’s love in the twilight of this age before our Lord returns.
Ross
